To be lost

Right before the beginning of 2016, I wrote in my diary a couple of pretty easy questions you would think. Questions like – Who am I? What do I want in life? How can I get there? Who do I want to be? What am I good at? Simple questions that I suddenly felt so unsure about. Questions that we all or most of us think about sometimes in life I think. Maybe in the periods we get challenged, when we have to make a decision or when life hits us suddenly, maybe because we end something or start something new. Just like I did right before 2016 was about to start. I ended high school the spring of 2015. After thirteen years of school and an already stepped up path, life hit me like the wind does on a stormy day. I mean, I was not in pain, but it just hit me. Life. I felt strange and sad because it was all over. And trust me, I had been waiting for this freedom for years. Maybe ever since I was looking at flight tickets to Seychellene in an age of 12 or even before. I felt strange because something safe, wonderful and amazing was suddenly over, and I had waited for it. I still had dreams, mostly about traveling the world and for the pursuit of happiness. I wanted to see different countries, cultures, to meet people, help people, make life count and be remembered. I kept those dreams in mind, even tho I was lost in my own confusion about life and what my purpose here was. Therefore I also started doubting myself. Who am I? What do other people think of me? What am I good at? All these kind of questions that I never ever really had felt so unsure about.

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Anyways, so I wrote these questions and said to myself that I would write something on each question sometimes during the year. And I did. Suddently I knew. Somewhere along the road between Melbourne and Sydney, on a train all by myself on the other side of the world I knew the answers to all my questions. I think I always knew, but I just needed time to figure it all out. We all get lost sometimes I guess, and I think it is one of the mysterious specters of life. It’s a strange condition were we try to hold on to everything we know, but at the same time we are curious about our future path and we decide to seek out for the unknown. It is so scary to let go of something, but it feels so good when you finally are ready for it.

Don’t worry.  You will find yourself again. Retrace your path. Then think forward, dream and most importantly accomplish your dreams! They will take you so far and help you find yourself again. Keep believing in yourself. YOU CAN DO IT!

Lots of love from me

 

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